Yesterday was a difficult night. Deliverance would be nice but nothing worth having
       comes easy in this life. At least for me I guess. 

       My morning tooth extractions were painful. all 4 taken out w/out sleeping gas... i guess it's a recession
and everyone is trying to cut corners...its frightening
that they use the same machinery one uses to fix a car to work on the mouth. My doctor looks and
kinda sounds like Dr. Nick on the simpsons, "Hey Everybody!"

I cant chew anything, and my mouth has been bleeding for 9 hours, so I decided to satisfy my caloric intake with
margaritas instead. a good choice. here's to the past it can kiss my glass...

looks like my contract got renewed, so i'll be working in the hospital another year. Praise God. :)
Some of my coworkers have kinda been like fictive kin to me in the sense that they offer
me advice about my life and genuinely care for me. It's nice. Ben is like my big brother and
we always laugh when we are together, so I like that.

I can't talk now so i've been writing messages on my fisher price magic board.


It's good to be with my parents. I wish they lived in the bay area, hopefully
they can move up here. I might try to get a job transfer to be closer
to them, we'll see what happens.

Going to beach chalet on tuesday... =D
then radio show! wohooo!
 

I had this 10 hour headache this morning....

in other news, I am going to be making a live audio presentation w/my coworker to an eastcoast audience of doctors
and other hospital people =)
It will be like a 1 hour radio program presentation, recovery radio, where we will be talking about
drama/narratives and rec therapy and how that can be used in the recovery process. We are also going to be
taking lives calls from callers :) stay tuned!

We had the pre-retreat today, where we got asked some questions about our job, and what matters to us on a likert scale, I ranked myself as totally invested in my work. I guess that is this passion bit. It's the one area of my life that I don't feel like a complete failure, so why wouldn't i keep going back to it? The peopel who were on the otherside have famalies and loves in their lives, so it's just a different role I guess. One that for whatever reason, I'm not in the season of my life to play out. In any event, it's been a good ride and the adventure continues.

We had to pick figures that represent us
I picked a superhero because I enjoy saving the day, but don't like spotlight (thus the mask) and
i have a astrong affinity for spandex. I find it..spandexellente.


We've been having this running joke on my whiteboard about me in different roles (Katz)
so we've had Emerald the Katz which is me dressed as a cat, Katz in cone- me in an
icecream cone, Katz in a scone (self explanatory) Katz the linebacker- basically my
head pinned on to ridiculous bodies.

This is the newest installment my coworker drew up during our lunch break
It's a little bit excellent. MJ, you da man.



Canterbury house was pleasant, good eats, good convesations, and reflections on russian orthodox church
icons. The chaplain said we are called to reach out to others but also reminded to look into ourselves
and seek out others when we are in need. Noone can go at it in this life alone thats for darn sure.

I am trying to walk the line and finding it increasingly difficult, but will endure. it's the only way.

    This week I've been trying to engage and expand my social supports given the importance of people in peoples

lives. Work as stressful as it is with it's number crunching, audits, and stats i have to do does provide me w/

laughter and w my coworker Ben there is never a "Sarchasm"- the gap between a great sarcastic joke and the

poor soul who does not pick up on it. This week I did hope and mood index scores, and it appears that

participants in our program have had an increase in both and commented on how our program improved their

lives, and I think that what it is all about, learning skills and patterns to live a better life. It is rewarding and stressful

work, and I could not imagine being anywhere else.

           In order to build my spiritual supports, I've been meeting w/the Chaplain and went to 1st Presbyterian

minus my roomate and tried to engage in small talk with people. Thursday I went to Mandarin Baptist

Church w/my friend  Vincent in SF and we talked about the importance of fellowship

and community. I was hesitant to go to an all Chinese fellowship wondering if i wouldn't quite fit in

again...not Chinese enough i guess..it's different if you are half rather than monoracial something else..but it was

surprisingly welcoming and I will be going to their BBQ this 4th of

July. A boy, Edward gave me a ride back in my favorite car, the lotus elise- though his was silver.




 I thanked him and he told me to thank God

since it was God that gave him the means to get the hot wheels, he opened the door and said "be blessed, may

Christ be with you this week." Then when we were talking about the Verse "Where 2 or 3 are gathered

in my name, I am there"- Matt 18:20. He said, "well since there are 8 of here, that means God is here, and that

make me very happy." It was pleasant to be w/someone who delights in God.

        Then Today my friend Devi from my usher days where I was bustin tail for 6 bucks

an hour, gave me a call and we had Japanese food and then met up w/my other former coworkers and talked

about Indian weddings, hipsters (the 8th deadly sin),  the harm in charm, and better days ahead. She's one of

those people I don't see too often, but when i do, we pick up just where we left off. This Halloween we are going

to go as KISS w/2 other girls :)

(Preview of her and one of our friends) (I don't want to be catman but it will probably happen)



               I dunno this week showed me that people do care about me, that there is a big difference

between being alone and being lonely and that the hardest thing is often the right thing to do, but that doesn't

mean you have to like it, and most of the time you'll hate it, cant stands it, as i say...but that everyday holds new

possibilities and if I want new I have to let go of old even is old is familiar, albeit painful, can't live

off of yesterday right no matter how good yesterday seem to be. Embrace the unknown happy

days on the horizon. :)

ah today i heard the worst pick up line

"Hey, you look like my ex-wife, wanna get coffee?"

Needless to say, I left that man behind.